Krazny
02-22-05, 01:01 PM
Yea, I know. Engineers are all pocket protector wearing, RPN Graphing Calculator carrying, insanely intellegent dorks. But hey, We make the world go round. . . .
And we are the keepers of the Right Hand Rule!!
(No, not that you sickos. . . )
Engineering Jokes and stuff:
Comprehending Engineers-Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time
with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The
engineer said, "I like both." Both? Engineer: "Sure, think about it. If
you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time
with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
Q) What's the difference between a Mechanical Engineer and a Civil Engineer?
A) Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does that work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does that work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will that cost?" The graduate with an
Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To Kraz, the contents of said glass ain’t strong enough. . .
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with
him."
[dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight"
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion-dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else
to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on
the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked
a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated,
"This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine
worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his
charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 knowing where to
put it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
"Normal people ... believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers-Take Ten
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week"
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
And we are the keepers of the Right Hand Rule!!
(No, not that you sickos. . . )
Engineering Jokes and stuff:
Comprehending Engineers-Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time
with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The
engineer said, "I like both." Both? Engineer: "Sure, think about it. If
you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time
with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
Q) What's the difference between a Mechanical Engineer and a Civil Engineer?
A) Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does that work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does that work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will that cost?" The graduate with an
Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To Kraz, the contents of said glass ain’t strong enough. . .
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with
him."
[dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight"
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion-dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else
to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on
the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked
a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated,
"This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine
worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his
charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 knowing where to
put it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
"Normal people ... believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers-Take Ten
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week"
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."