Funny Quotes

[T Man]

I thought that we needed a place to put funny quotes we have heard or said while slightly intoxicated

[sparky2263]

"Your mouth is writing checks your *** can't cash"

[joker2040]

Lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[T Man]

my two favorite are in my sig. I will explain them. For the first one, I was very drunk, and I was debating on whether or not to get in our pool. I didnt have a swim suit, and I asked my girlfriend. She told me she didnt care what I did, so i said "when in doubt, take off your pants", the second was from when I went to KU. I started s*** with some rich punk. He was rollin an escalade, and he was a freshman too. I told him it was a nice truck, and if his daddy bought it for him, he called me a dumb hick and started steppin, so I said it. then proceded to kick his rich ***

[Supercharged-ZQ8]

"I know of no such operations, nor if I did would I be at liberty to discuss them."


Military motto I had DRILLED into my head.

Another quote:

"I had NOTHING to do with -- and you can't prove it either."

I'll leave the explanations to "inquiring minds."

[XxInFaxX]

"arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics...even if you win, you're still retarded."

[Slow01S10]

"Do sober what you said you would do drunk, therefore you teach yourself a lesson to keep your mouth shut."
--Ernest Hemmingway (from what I was told he said that)

"If I'm not me, then who am I?"
--one of my friends

"I had the least amount to drink, let me drive."
--myself when I was completely drunk ( I actually had the most that night)

many other one liners too I could quote, but we dont have all day

[Blazer69]

wow a limp bizkit quote...thought i was the only fan they had left......kind of an inside joke but me and my friends saw a girl once with a very large well say "hole" between her legs and my friend referred to having sex with her "like bangin a hot dog inside a coffee can".....very funny

[importmaster1300]

I am not as think as you I drunk I am.

[Slow01S10]

"(pronouncing the "h") honestly ossifer I hadnt been drinkin at all."
--one of the guys i work with when he got pulled over last year.

[offroadfirstgen]

my two favorite are in my sig. I will explain them. For the first one, I was very drunk, and I was debating on whether or not to get in our pool. I didnt have a swim suit, and I asked my girlfriend. She told me she didnt care what I did, so i said "when in doubt, take off your pants", the second was from when I went to KU. I started s*** with some rich punk. He was rollin an escalade, and he was a freshman too. I told him it was a nice truck, and if his daddy bought it for him, he called me a dumb hick and started steppin, so I said it. then proceded to kick his rich ***


now what were those quotes?


i can dig too

[12sws27]

"That old Ford I had when I was a kid couldn't pull a greasy string out a cats ass"--My Grandfather

"That POS can't pull a piss ant off a wet toilet seat"---My Dad

"If I had a dog that looked like you I'd shave it's ass and train it to walk backwards"--Dad