Interesting Post On Craigslist

[chevybrat]

Uhhh...Yeah...I was just browsing craigslist and this popped up. It was kind of amusing to read...haha...

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/car/436267110.html

[C4Tom]

Wow... that's all I can say... Wow! LOL

[lucy_blue_93]

that was hilarious. sounds like mrs. beepers has had quite the life...sounds kinda life a hooker...everything (dignity) taken out of her, given back fresher stuff by her owner (pimp), stolen (kidnapped) and all newer fresh stuff taken out with a little something (kid) left in her, filled with more fresher stuff (new wardrobe of heels and belly shirts), got in a wreck (b!*^h slapped) and got her front end (grill) fixed, and now for sale...once again.

[Hammer Head]

LMFAO.. good find, Heather!

[chevybrat]

Yeah...I've had a really bad couple of days and i'm just trying to keep myself distracted...running out of ideas...i'm sure i could dig up some more crazy ass craigslist posts...

[chevybrat]

Just incase this listing gets deleted off craigslist soon and some of you don't get to see it...here ya go:

1995 Plymouth Grand Voyager LE “Rallye” Edition

I’m not going to lie to you. This car will change your life.

I bought this minivan in June of 04. I remember me back then: no prospects, jaded and selfish. I was an angry person. I needed to sell a classic car for something a little more modern (read: more space and didn’t break down all the time). I had a minivan previously that a friend sold to me for practically nothing. It was the same make and model only a few years older and for full disclosure a raging hunk of crap.

These minivans have never been very good. For as many as the Chrysler Corp sells, you’d think they’d make them way better. The Plymouth/Dodge minivans have notoriously crappy transmissions and guide valves, among other serious faults so I was apprehensive about buying another van then having to pay to fix the tranny (which costs more than the value of the car).

Then I met Mrs. Beepers here.

The guy who I bought it from was the original owner. It had low mileage for it’s age and he was old and kinda ugly so I didn’t see any kids running around. I’m feeling pretty confident that this mobile has never had the kid-puke treatment to the interior. And me being sterile (lawn dart accident) there have pretty much been no kids in the car. The ashtray was clean so I’m thinking he didn’t smoke in it and I don’t at all. When we came up with a price, he kinda flashed one of those devious smiles like the old shop owner in Gremlins who handed over the gremlin to the dad to give as a present.

Don’t get them wet and don’t feed them after midnight?!! That’s like giving a nuclear bomb to a monkey and putting a tempting oversize banana-yellow button on the top as the detonator.

I paid the man and rolled out in my next minivan.

Over the next few months, Beepers served well at its intended function. I am a photographer and I used it primarily for photoshoots for my models to get dressed in. It was a great life. We spent countless hours of quality time together… until Christmas Eve. I woke Christmas morning to go for a walk and noticed my car door open. Someone had befouled Beepers by breaking in and stealing the contents. I had a photoshoot the previous night and felt safe leaving my old lighting kit in there overnight. It was Christmas and my stuff was gone.

Violated by Santa Claus? I thought the same thing until I called my renter’s insurance company. They sent me a check for the REPLACEMENT value of my gear. To be honest, all of that stuff worked, but some of it was total dog****.

So now I’m rolling in all new gear thanks to Beepers, the tempting little minx that she is.

One month later, I come outside to go to a job only to notice the dry patch on the street where the van used to be. Some maniacs stole my car. Seriously, what kind of crack smoker steals a minivan? If TV and movies have taught me anything, you ALWAYS steal either a muscle car or something tragically expensive.

Beepers was gone. I was starting to think I had bought one of those cars built on an Indian burial ground. Three days later, I got a call from the cops telling me they had found the car. I show up at the tow place to find a completely empty car. They took everything out of it there was including my garbage and left… yep you guess it: a crack pipe!

Again my renter’s and car insurance companies hooked me up with more high-dollar checks. Awesome.

A little while passed with much happiness and joy. I loved her and she loved me by never breaking down, starting like a champ and getting pretty good gas mileage. I also work for a delivery company so she had access to a fleet mechanic whenever she got that “not so fresh” feeling.

And them BLAAAMM! An oncoming sexy little Honda CRX turns in front of Mrs. Beepers. No signal, no warning. Let’s face it, this is a minivan with a huge 3.3 liter engine, four captain’s seats, and a bench in the back so it seats seven happy people. Although she’s well endowed, she does have kind of a big ass. She wasn’t about to let this little hottie dis her like that so she slammed into her rear quarter panel sending the CRX into a truck stopped at a red light on the street it was turning on to. That impact popped the CRX’s rear and side windows out in a sparkling display.

As I leaned back from the steering wheel, I could sense Mrs. Beepers gloating. She taught a thing or two to that smarmy little harlot.

The impact, however slight, was enough to total both cars but Beepers, the plow horse that she is, drove away from the accident needing a serious nose job. I also got a pretty nice hernia from straining into the seatbelt.

So she sat there for awhile, still exhilarated from her street fight, but I was torn whether or not to fix her. She had been so good to me, but fixing a totaled car is often a silly idea. So I had a mechanic look up her skirt and make sure she was still solid. Clean bill of health.

During all of this, a windfall of checks floated in from the other driver’s insurance (and $1500 for the hernia!). Did you know that I made a ton of money by hitting a driver who switched to Geico? I ended up buying another minivan while deciding Mrs. Beepers’ fate. It was bigger and newer but didn’t have much soul. I suspect the new van is secretly plotting to kill me with burning oil fumes or something.

So I decided to fix her up and I used the bodywork guys nearby. They do awesome work, but I told him the deal and he assured he’d do it real cheap. And dammit, he did it really cheap! The problem is it looks kinda like one of those nose job photos that they use to convict drug-addict plastic surgeons.

The front grill and headlights look a little wonky and the front bumper is in great shape, it is however a different color from the rest of the trim. Kind of like when you spend the day in the sun and notice the still pale skin under your bathing suit. Yes Mrs. Beepers is showing her tan lines, but she’s proud and empowered.

Beyond the front end, this car is the best mini I’ve ever owned because every other one I had cost me thousands to operate. Breakdowns, stalls, total meltdowns, etc. It just cost me $150 to change the plugs on my current van because some glue-sniffing engineer decided that you should not be able to reach two of the plugs without a contortionist dwarf with really long arms.

In the entire time of ownership, beyond the regular maintenance like oil, plugs, filters, I have only needed to replace the EGR valve. Whatever the hell that is. Some things I replaced because she was being good (new oxygen sensor!).

This baby is solid in every other way. Mechanically, she’s awesome and everything else but the headlights and the off-color bumper clean and in great condition. At least it doesn’t have a blue quarter panel and an orange hood!

I owe a lot to this car. It’s the only car I’ve ever bought that actually made me money. Because of this car, I actually have a retirement account. Let me break it down:

Me before Mrs. Beepers…
1. Broke
2. Lazy
3. No taste
4. Ugly
5. Incontinent
6. No future

Me after Mrs. Beepers…
1. I have a savings and an IRA
2. I’m a mean go-getter
3. I own a bunch of sweet art
4. Dead sexy
5. Incontinent
6. I’m going places!

I did have a lot more hair before I bought this car, so if logic holds true, you’ll probably go bald too.

OK you’ve read this far. That means you really want this car so I’ll give you some particulars:

130,000 miles
3.3 liter V6 engine (you can tow a trailer if you get the tow package)
Automatic transmission
Power steering
Power brakes
Power door locks, windows, and mirrors
Power back wing windows
Tilt steering wheel
Keyless remote
Roof console
Tinted windows
Premium Infinity speaker system with amplifier.
AM/FM Tape deck
Alloy wheels with good tires
2 back captain’s chairs and 1 bench seat (all removable)
Leather wrapped steering wheel
Clear title
Maintained by a fleet mechanic

I’m not completely sure what the “Rallye” edition means. I think it’s just the bigger engine and the two toned paintjob (white/silver trim).

I’m asking $1700 for it. Kelly Blue Book (KBB.com) values this car at $3590. I’m asking less than half of what it’s valued at and the exact price it will cost me to move into a new apartment. If you’re buying a car as an investment, don’t buy this car. If you want something that’s safe, sound and sweet that will roll for a long time and don’t care about its value, Mrs. Beepers is your girl. This is the classiest way to get places with six of your children, homies, or naked models. You decide!

I do recommend having insurance because of her spotty past. She might just make you rich like me. That is if you love her like I did.

[Hammer Head]

hahaha.. I was thinkin of doin that, too.. just so there's a record of it.

[boxcarracer963]

lol that guy must have loved his minivan

[Slaymanic]

Wow...that guy needs professional help lol

[Mikz86TA]

Thats a great ad

[droopy89]

um... not sure what to say to that

[JONGO8]

That guy is a great writer.

[Jay_Pollard]

all I gotta say is LMFAO! If that dont sell the van, i dunno what will...LOL